NEWS: Dane Cook Weeks Away From Being 0 and 2 at the Box Office

CULTURE: Dane Cook Weeks Away From Being 0 and 2 at the Box Office

Enjoy! Yes, I know, I ask the impossible.



As hard as it is to listen to Dane Cook, it’s become apparent that it is nearly as hard to look at Dane Cook. He looks like someone threw acid in Ryan Reynold’s face. Then used giant tongs to twist the acid-covered face out of shape, simultaneously lengthening and widening. I guess, what I’m saying is, he’s the Garbage Pail Kid version of good old Double R. But less funny. Better yet, Dane Cook is like, if they “broke the mold” when they made Ryan Reynolds, they then took that broken mold and used it to make Dane Cook. Yeah, that one... Not sure who the dumpy schlub sidekick is… but even for dumpy schlub sidekicks, he’s a bit lacking.

The premise is easy enough to grasp. In fact, girl number 1 of 437 who can’t keep her hands off of Dane is kind enough to explain it to us.

Actually, she explains it to Dane. You know, like anyone would, to the person it applies to. Just like in real life... A wholly unbelievable premise delivered in an awkward, unrealistic manner. Fantastic. Wedding Crashers had an improbable premise as well. The idea that woman are so primed for love at a wedding that they’ll sleep with anything capable of scarfing cake from an upright position. But they at least went to the trouble of making the movie funny. That does not seem to be the case here.

The idea that woman are simpletons who’d sleep with a pock-marked joker face just to get hitched is insulting, but it’s not like they go to the “giant fat woman” joke, right?

Awesome. Cause that joke is hysterical none of the time!

Also, for some reason, every character in this movie is a klutz. And not just the "hot girl is more than just a pretty face, she's clumsy!" bit. That oh so clever device they use in place of writing a character. Not this time, he’s klutzy, too! A spilled drink in the crotch! Shocked by a car battery! Bathtub hijinx! Hah! If you can name it, come opening day, you won’t be laughing at it.

I think I’ve finally got it. Dane Cook is like… not a funny person.

You know what the greatest thing is...you think he's not a funny person, you think he's ugly, but guess what, he's more succesful, popular, rich, and gets laid more than you'll ever be.

Hate all you want, and enjoy your life knowing that someone you hate is better than you.

I thought he was funny when I first heard some of his stuff, but then after the next 38597234986734 times it just wasnt funny anymore...and his movies are just bad.

Although, the last line in that preview was pretty good.

"Whats sex without love?"

"SEX!! ITS SEX!!"

His movies arent so great (except he was awesome in Waiting "Welcome to ThunderDome Bitch", but hes still damn funny...

That actually looks pretty funny...

Wow, somebody other than me has finally come out and admitted to not really liking Dane Cook all that much? I mean he's funny, but he isn't THAT funny.

He's funny. I haven't seen any movie he's been in. Many stand up comics suck in films, so I usually don't bother much.

To the OP...you're not funny at all, and the only thing that is funny, is watching you talk down on someone who is successful at what he does. If he bothers you so much, don't watch his stuff, listen to his stuff, or look at pictures of him..you may be happier then.

Oh, and apparently you have some lusting for Ryan Reynolds...you probably have no chance there dude, give up the dream.

To be fair, and I mean this in the most heterosexual way possible, Ryan Reynolds is wicked hot.


Plus, I'd rather have oral surgery than watch anything involving Dane Cook.

Wow...are you fucking serious? This is what you base being a great person on? How much they have sex (and more importantly how many partners), how much money they make, and how "popular" they are? Welcome to life post high school.

And for the record, while I think he is funny 'Waiting' is the only worthwhile movie he's been in.

the fact that Dane Cook is kissing Jessica Alba instead of me makes me want to shoot myself. Or Dane Cook.

While this movie looks mildly entertaining, I'll have to admit his movies aren't the greatest. However, his stand-up is some of the funniest shit I've ever heard. I don't care what anyone else says. The plus side to this movie: Jessica Alba...need I say more!!!!!!!!

My point is simple, I think its kind of funny that there are comparisons made between Dane Cook and Ryan Renalds (the idea that hes sort of rippin off Renalds).

If you watch Ryan Renalds schtick, he's basically a slightly less funny Jason Lee. His facial movements, acting and jokes (which aren't written by him but still...) all SCREAM Jason Lee (circa Mallrats, and Dogma).

Personally I dont find Dane Cook horribly funny. I did at one time, but boy did they saturate the market with him once 3 people thought he had some talent.

So Dane Cook, yuck... Ryan Renalds, eeehhh .... and Jason Lee, the master.

Dane Cook was funny for the first five minutes I ever heard his schtick, then it turned into "blah blah blah....". Zero originality, not even good emulation.

On the upside for him, the premise of the movie is so pitiful that I don't think that he is the one who will sink it. It will be a vehicle for him to stay in the same place as he is now, and will surely lose Jessica Alba a bit of credibility (as she has just stepped into Jessica Simpson's shoes for this movie).

If I'm going to see a mindless summer movie, it should at least have some over the top action or some rauchy ass shit. (because it sure isn't going to be thought provoking) and this movie looks like it will be as intellegent and exciting as most of the stuff on YouTube

For the record, yes, he's better than you too. It has nothing to do with his sexual partners or money. I don't know you at all, and I don't know Dane Cook either, but if we compared a list of achievements overall in life compared to yours or the author he is hellbent on bashing him, I have this odd feeling Dane Cook would win.

p.s. Dane Cook is funny for the first 5 minutes you listen to him, but then gets a little old. Still funnier than the author though.

Dane Cook is funny to me as a comedian..his movies have been decent (Enjoyed Waiting, felt so-so about Employee of the Month). Ryan Reynolds is a hotty yes.No im not gay, but do I find his body to be something I wish mine was more like o.O lol. I dont know though, I may or may not check this movie out.

Honestly though, when I saw Dane Cook for the first time...I honestly thought about Ryan Reynolds simultaneously..I thought I was the only one.

I wanted to add..George Carlin...still funniest stand up I have ever heard...and most movies he was ever in sucked too, his tv show was bad...cept Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure...he was excellent in that!

I hope it's funnier than his standup, otherwise God help us all.

I'M A SNAKE
I'M A SNAKE
IF I WERE A SNAKE I WOULD DO SNAKE-LIKE THINGS
I'D WALK AROUND GOING BLUUUUHHHH I'M A SNAKE
EXCEPT I WOULDN'T WALK BECAUSE SNAKES AREN'T BIPEDS

I liked him quite a bit about four years ago, but he's intolerable now. Comedians everywhere hate his guts because he's known to steal various jokes from different comedians. And his HBO special last year was unwatchable.

YOU GUYS ISN'T JESUS GREAT LAWLS THAT IS FUNNY LIKE ME, I'M DANE!

That movie looks like it could be pretty damn unfunny. But we'll see. I mean, if this movie (which includes Jessica Alba looking extremely hot, and in various stages of undress) doesn't make decent money, it will cast some serious doubt on whether Cook can support a film in a starring role.

(And for the record, I think Ryan Reynolds is funnier. It's not even close really. And i've heard Reynolds is dating Scarlett Johansson. So if you wanna judge who is better at life, I'm going to go with Ryan. )

Wow...you're exactly right...I feel so empty inside. If only I could even fathom being one-millionth the person that Dane Cook is...

Seriously though...your definition of better is seriously lacking any sort of depth.

BTW- exactly what achievements has Dane Cook actually reached?

When some cultural phenomenon is particularly popular, there is value in asking, "Wait, this... this is shit, isn't it?"

It's not only high-minded, humorless prudes who don't care for Dane Cook.

By this guy's standards, apparently you have to be Ned Holness before you can talk shit about Dane Cook.

Tell you what, I'll take back everything I said because I don't really feel like writing a page long article on why the author is a retard and what achievements in life Dane Cook has accomplished. Instead I'll put you both on equal terms and say we all suck.
If you'd really like to continue the philisophical debate on what makes a person better and/or more accomplished than another, I'd be happy to continue it at some other time on some other forum.

p.s. I still love you Jessy